Catagorizing fights

Few things get the attention and crowd amalgamation on a playground as the chant "Fight! Fight! Fight!" The sight of two third-graders flailing at each other until someone gets kicked in the prepubescent goods is not an easy sight to forget.

In fact, there are many fights that can be quite memorable:

The nerd fight, which starts with a courageous but ineffective shove, and escalates towards a heads-turned-away slapfest...




The online gaming fight, where entitlement rears its head and loss is always never your own fault...



The scripted fight, where steroids are the norm...



Any fight with the French...


The Spartan fight, where everyone dies...



The Kung-fu fight, a superior method...




The normal child fight... "He's touching me!" "She's breathing my air!" "He farted and it stinks!" "No you stink!" "No, I don't, you do worse!"

You get the idea.


So this morning, I think I heard a new type of fight, one that I'm not sure how to label, but I guess might be "Blasphemous-scripture-Kid-Fight"...

"Ami, get your elbows off the table," Tim commanded.

"You're not the boss Tim, and Dad does not want you talking with food in your mouth," she sneered.

"I'm bigger, so I'm more boss than you are, and I'm stronger too," he shot back.

"You are being mean, so you are hearkening unto the voice of the evil one, like Satan. That makes you like Satan Tim," she countered. (For those of you keeping score, that would be one point Ami, Tim - none.)

Tim, slightly stunned, followed suit, "You do not know what those passages mean, so that does not count."

"I know I'm a princess daughter of God and you are turning aside from truth," (Well played my little blasphemer, incorporating testimony into the insult - well played. That would be a 2-0 win.)

Both spent five minutes on their beds. We decided not to include scripture reading as part of this time out, as we may need to reanalyze that approach.

The psychoanalyst bills are going to be epic.