Man Laws

From the internet - Interested in some humor? Check your score.

Man Rules (in no particular order):

A man must know how to make a fire in any circumstance, with or without accelerant. +80 points.

Under no circumstances shall a man relinquish control of the grill to a woman, if such incident should ever happen, then the party must end and everyone must leave. The same holds true for the remote control and the driver’s seat (sleep deprivation safety gets a pass).

A man must know how to use a knife and own at least three. +40 points.

A man must know how to use a rifle, handgun, shotgun, and bow. +50 points.

A man who deals it, will claim it. +2 points.

A man never washes a lucky baseball cap. He retires it. +10 points.

A man will never use emocons. Those trying to impress a woman get a pass. -20 points.

Men do not share beds. -1000 points.

Men do not call shotgun, it is automatically given to the man with the most man points. -15 points.

No whining. -20 points.

“Bacon” will always be capitalized. +1 point.

Fanny packs: no. -22 points. Those over age 65 get a pass, as do those who are carrying concealed.

Skinny jeans: no. -300 points. Permanent removal of man card until burned and some animal is killed by hand and eaten.

A man will not bully others or try to pick fights. -75 points. Males who try to do this a trying to compensate for their own insecurities. If a man wants to fight, he will go to a cage or a ring. A real man will walk away from a fight unless he must defend women, children, the innocent, etc. at which point he will resolve the issue or end up unconscious trying.

A man must know how to ride a motorcycle by the age of 26 or his man card is reduced to a not-a-girl card and -18 points.

A man should know how to repair any hole he is capable of creating, unless the hole is in a deserving enemy. +40 points.

Men do not get their “feelings” hurt. -40 points.

Men do not put sunscreen on other men. -60 points (Direct descendants of the man get a pass if they are under the age of 14.)

A man will not text, email, tweet, or digitize anything he would not say in person. -800 points.

The word manscaping will not be used. Ever. -32 points.

Men shake hands firmly and with purpose. +10. A limp-wristed-dead-fish handshake should be considered a warning sign that the person you're shaking hands with probably shops at Trader Joe's, drives a Prius, and appreciates things like wheat-grass. -19 points.

A man will not spend more than 30 seconds doing his hair. -60 points.

A man will never touch another man’s remote, radio, stereo, fishing pole, weapons, etc. without express given permission at the time. -49 points.

A man will not communicate with any other individual in any restroom beyond the standard head nod, cell phones included. -13 points.

Two men will not ride a motorcycle together. Life or death situations and children under 14 get a pass. -38 points.

Men are never allowed to skip unless it is with their small children. -8 points.

A man must be prepared at all times for the zombie apocalypse. + 100 points.

A Man should not want/strive to be a vampire or werewolf and should have no idea why he would want to in the first place. - 12 points.

Ball caps must be worn with the bill forward. +15 / -15 points.

A Man has a wallet. +20 points. This should not require further explanation or even mentioning the word "murse", which isn’t even a word, rather its just a way of asking for a good face punch. - 40 points.

If a Man decides to attend an international sporting event, he will cheer for The United States of America... even if we're not competing in said sporting event. + 40 points.

A real man will celebrate March 10th, and know why. +35 points.

A Mans belts should only be two colors. Brown or black. The only exception would be if a Man is working his way through the ranks of a martial art. + 50 (Ones founded by Billy Blanks don't count -75.)

A man must know how to defend himself and his family. +200 points.

Sweat, scars, calluses, broken bones. +20 point per event.

Men open doors for women. +40 points. They walk on the street side. +40 points. They never open a car door for a man. -50 points.

A man will know how to drive a standard transmission and change his car’s fluids, brake pads, and tires. +140 points.

Duct tape supply greater than 100 yards, +100 points. Duct tape supply out, - 200 points.