Becoming a man.

Tim saw a spider, of which he is still paranoid, despite having Spider-man as his favorite superhero.

(Which is lame, batman is totally the best - see www.howitshouldhaveended.com for evidence or compare Spider-man 3 to The Dark Knight. No contest. No whining).

Anyway, I digress.

I figured it was time to teach him how to kill spiders, since he has been so exited to watch me shoot the invading mice with our new .177. Why yes, we bought another gun... and yes, I am at two shots, two kills with these nice little hollow-point...

Alas, I digress again.

So the spider in question had a body about the size of a pin-top, and legs that might have measured about 2 millimeters long each. Dinky. Tiny. Infintesimal. I had him grab a napkin.

I demonstrated on a piece of lint how to grab and squeeze the spider to death.

Tim's turn.

At 3 feet away from the windowsill, he positioned the napkin in his hand properly, and then promptly threw it (shotput style) at the spider. No, he had not moved closer, thanks for asking.

I was about to comment on his ineffectiveness when the wind from the wake of his travel out of the room hit me. Yep, you read that right. He was out of the room in the 1/240000th of a second it took me to process what had happened.

Oh well. Man lessons will need to be continued another day. In the meantime, enjoy some pictures of fireworks from the Thanksgiving Point celebration we took last night.

To The Rescue

For this story to make sense, a couple pieces of information are helpful:

1. The only motivation we have found for Tim is the idea of heroes and villains. He has even adopted a "hero voice" which he unwittingly goes into - a mix of Captain America, Superman, and Jeremy Irons (yes, you read that right, Scar from the Lion King). At the bottom of this post is his hero's creed, posted at his desk.

2. In a family of early risers, Ami believes that it is too warm to be awake during the day in the summer. This causes trauma when we are ready for a 9pm bedtime and she is waking up from a 9 hour (okay - it's really 3-4) nap.

Today I noticed that she had been asleep for a few hours. I stood her up and asked her to stay awake. 10 minutes later I sent Tim to check on her. He informed me she was asleep.

I asked him to wake her up. He grinned and went gleefully. From the other room came the whining screams of "NOOOO Tim, I like being asleep.

He returned and reported that she would not get up. Since I was busy, I said another statement indicative of an inexperienced parent.

"Tim, I need Ami up, please go get her up."

"But Dad, she doesn't -"
"Tim, I want you to do whatever it takes to get her up."

*pause* Timidly he asked, "Anything?"

"Sure, just get her up."

*Monstrous Lego land-arrival-smile, and then in his hero voice he shouted al la to-the-rescue style: "YES! This is a recipe for disaster!"

He directly ran to his pillow, and then beat Ami into the land of the living, cackling all the way, knowing he could not get in any trouble.

Sadly, I couldn't stop him. I was crying with laughter from the hero pronouncement.

Epilogue:

"But Tim, I do NOT like waking up!

Appendix:

True Heroes:

Love Heavenly Father.
- They hearken to what He would want them to do - not listening to anyone or anything that goes against God like Nephi (son of Helaman).
- Do not look at things, listen to things, or do things that would betray their divine heritage like Joseph of Egypt.
- They learn from Heavenly Father in prayer, by reading the scriptures, and by listening to the promptings of the Holy Ghost like Timothy in the New Testament.
- Because of this, God gives them blessings and power like Abraham.

(John 14:15 * Doc. & Cov 59:4 * Doc. & Cov. 109:35) Doc. & Cov. 8:2-3 * Doc. & Cov. 9:7-9 * For The Strength of Youth * Helaman 9-12 * Genesis 39 * 1 & 2 Timothy * Abraham)

2. Love others.
- Most importantly their parents like Moroni.
- They carefully obey their parents’ counsel and direction like Jacob.
- They trust and help their parents and lead their families like Nephi.
- They respect and show courtesy towards all women, girls and children like the Stippling Warriors
- Heros treat everyone kindly like Jesus
- Especially those who may be different are struggle or need a hero to help them like President Thomas S. Monson.
- Even when others treat them unkindly, they respond appropriately like Joseph Smith Jr..
- They treat all of God’s creations with proper respect and care like Noah.

(1 Nephi 3-17 * Exodus 20:12 * 2 Nephi 1:14 * Proclamation to the World on the Family * Mormon 8-9 * Moroni 1-10 * Alma 53-62 * Genesis 7-9)

Blisters in new places!

Six states, seven nights, 4 days of 12+ hours behind the wheel in the car.


Stop #1 Winter Quarters, Nebraska
A very enthusiastic Sister Missionary decided we needed to dress up to take the tour. The tennis shoes really complete the outfit.



Ami: "Daddy, I don't want them to eat me."
"They are not real. Don't worry."
"I don't want them to bite me either."



Next stop? California Tacos and More, as recommended by Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. The meat was great, and the guacamole was worth every rave review (recipe on Food network website). Pounding the food quick with your hand on your .45 while watch'n you car from the restaurant window in the hood? Best way to raise a heart rate to burn calories while you eat!



What's the best activity when you get home after a long day of sitting in a car? Swimming, unless you prefer more sitting - on a bed in a hotel room!



Next Stop? The Mall of America. Why? American Girl Store!
Oh, and Legoland. Tim was not very excited as you can see. This is prior to him nearly wetting himself with glee.


After that, it was on to Nickelodeon Universe. Maggie was tall enough to go on all the rides, and Tim could handle most with a chaperon!


This was the straight drop ride! Amazingly enough, Maggie, Tim, and Ami all enjoyed the crazy rides. Maggie's favorite part about the fast roller coaster with loop-de-loops, corkscrews, and other things was, "Watching Dad black out and laughing at him." In my defense, I'm paranoid of roller coasters and still went on the rides with the children. And yes, I actually blacked out for about 5 seconds at the top of the drop-off into the corkscrew. Tim and Ami's favorite was the log ride with its 2 and 3 story splash-mountain-esque drops.

You can see Ami enjoying it below while my fight-or-flight reflex kicks in for the twentieth time that day and I succeed again at keeping my cookies where they belong.

She "loved the coaster". Those genes did not come from Dad.

Now, why did we go on this trip again?

Oh yea. You would think we would have a better picture of the couple, but they all turned out blurry. Lame. Sorry Mrs. Hoffman! I mean, we were trying to get a picture of her hair... yea, that's it.


Next a detour to the Badlands National Park in South Dakota. It rained, proving that those lands were naughty. Wow, that was not even close to funny.

On to respect our heritage and forefathers.

This is about how Mount Rushmore went. It was only salvaged by a six pack of cold Henry Whineheart root beer.

So we took them to see the crazy horse monument and laser light show:


Finally we went to Independence Rock and Martin's Cove:

When we asked Ami what the best part of the trip was, she replied, "Being a pioneer in the car[t]".


In reality, Pioneer children did not sing as they walked, they asked for water and bathroom breaks.

Offensive trip conclusions:
Wyoming: God's barrier to remind the rest of America that unless you are divinely commanded, there is no reason to dwell in Utah.

Nebraska: Moo, but green... perhaps there is a connection between cows and fertilized grass...

Iowa: Irrelevant?

Minnesota: Wishes it were Wisconsin, which incidentally, wishes it was Canada, eh?

South Dakota: Started advertising the Black hills over 340 miles away, and for good reason. They were awesome. Unfortunately, SD should really be viewed from a Harley.

I said "yes".

and Melissa said "no".

Again.

Oh well. Back to work for another year. Thanks for the memories...

No Capes!

Tim learned why Edna was so clear on "No capes!" with her superhero designs.

He put on his relatively new apron from Maggie's birthday party, turned it backwards, and went out to ride his bike.

The inevitable happened. The cape got tangled in the back wheel yanking him backward by the neck with the same force of a Hulk Hogan clothesline (yes, that is a reference to a 1980's wrestler thank you very much).

It did not celestialize him, so we just had to dry his tears and trash the cape.



Yea for helmets. Is it sad that this was his second one?

Red Dawn

Are you prepared for the (not-going-to-happen) invasion of the United States?

Weapons and Ammo?
Well, we have more than dirty diapers.

Food?
Check.

US Amateur radio licenses?
Check.

That's right, we both are now certified amateur radio operators.

We're ready for red dawn, except that we now need a tank.

Hotel Girl's Camp

For this year's Father and Son camp out, we did not go camping. We went to the Church girl's "camp". Really, it was more like going to a cabin than camping. Flushing toilets, potted water, tp instead of leaves... all the stuff that makes camping manly had been neutered.

We had been told that there were mattresses on the plywood bunks...



So, in a way we had to rough it.

Tim and I enjoyed a couple hour hike with the Smith's after some delicious Blimpie sandwiches.



Oh, and there was snow, in May.

Since I could not sleep, I got up early and started the campfire, without matches a lighter, or other starter device! (Okay, so some of the ashes were still warm, but it was more manly than the lighter fluid deacon method.)



Tim had a blast, so the trip was a massive success.

Please do not tell child protective services

I hope my bro gets his doctorate soon, because I think we're going to therapy...

1) Ami has decided that oatmeal tastes best... plain. Straight from the pack or the barrel. She eats it with a spoon. No water, no milk, just plain... sometimes microwaved.

2) Maggie determined that she was going to teach herself how to fast. So she hid from breakfast Friday morning. We were so busy we did not notice until she informed us the next day that she had learned how to fast by not eating. Oh the conversations that followed...

3) Tim has his dad's super sniffer, so he likes things to smell good; including himself. He will go into Mom's closet and grab her body sprays and unleash an affront to manliness by spritz-festing himself. If mom and him give dad a hug at the same time, he smells better. "Dangit Tim, you're not supposed to use those", "But now I smell goodly".

4) Susanna has shoulder rolls! YES! Best. Fat. Child of ours. Ever.

Bountiful Baskets

Wow! We started participating in the Bountiful Baskets Food Co-op. We are intrigued and excited at the quality, variety, benefits to local farmers, and cost of it all. Every week is different fruits and veggies, according to what is in season and available from the local farms (Mexico to Washington as I understand it). Our pick-up point is 6 miles round-trip so gas mileage is hardly an issue. Our basket weighed in at 42# this week. We spent $27 which included our first-time fee of $3 and a handling or tax of $1.50. We chose the basic basket for the constant $15 and an Italian pack to go along with it this week.


Here's the 50% fruit--bananas, apples, watermelon, tomatoes, champagne mangoes, and tangelos(?).


Here's the 50% veggies-Spinach, 5 ears of corn, lots of peppers, Romaine lettuce, and green cauliflower.


Here is the Italian Pack ingredients-lots of herbs (I need to identify them!), garlic, onions, zucchini, and eggplant.

The co-op is available in various parts of Arizona, Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Nevada and Washington. We're loving it! And when we volunteer on Saturday mornings to sort and divide all the ingredients, we take home extras. Check it out at www.bountifulbaskets.org.

Maybe I'll post pictures of the nutritious and scrumptious meals I make with it now. (I'll have to check the site for recipes because some of this stuff is very new to my house. The zucchini will likely go into pancakes, though. The children LOVE them!)