Ironmom

Tim is making a ghillie suit for his Halloween costume, (with Melissa walking him through the whole way). She taught him how to iron so he could iron the material and the pattern. The following conversation ensued.

Ami: "When are you going to teach me how to iron mom?

Melissa: "When I think you are old enough to do so safely."

Ami: "When I make my own gill-bee suit?"

Melissa: "When you are older."

Ami: "Maggie, when are you going to learn how to iron?"

Maggie: "When do I get to learn how to iron, mom?" (FYI Another situation where verbal punctuation is important.)

David: "Ironmom?" (Ignored)

Melissa: "When you work on a project where it is needed."

Ami: "That will be when you are older."

Tim: "Yea, because it is important for me to learn this now, so when I get married I can teach my wife how to do things."

Melissa: "Hey!"

Tim: "Cause that's what Dads do when Moms do not know what they are doing."

David must be crying because his shoulders are heaving.

Melissa: "If your future wife's parents teach her how to do things, then you won't have to teach her... hey you - stop it."

David: "I need some water."

Ami: "Susanne, do you want some popcorn? If you sit up, mom said you can have popcorn, and you can share."

David: "Ami, Mom did not -"

Melissa: "Actually..."

David: "Really? Really?"

Ami: "Yeeessssssusanneyoucanhavepopcornifyougetupletmehelpyousitupbeforedadsaysno"


Ami pulls Susanne (who is asleep) to a sitting position.

David: "Et tu Brute?"

Maggie: "Yea! You are awake! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII looked out the window and what did I see."

First Crush

Susanne giggles. She shrugs her shoulders up to her ears, turn her eyes down, and blushes.

She pronounces his name clearer than any other word in her vocabulary.

He has his own movie.

He is one of the Avengers.

Does she go for the brainy Tony Stark types? Nah.

Does she dig a red and gold fancy suit? Nope.

Does she seek for Thor's biceps? Negative Ghost Rider.

Does she like Loki's horns? No, that's Ami.

How about Captain America? "Goway" (Go away.)

Does she particularly like how Banner turns into a giant green rage monster? "YesyesHulkyes!"

"What do you like about him?"

"Cuoute" (Cute)

She celebrates every time he's on the screen.

Almost as funny as asking Tim why he was running through the house naked: "I was fast so no one could see me and so no one would know I was awake."

Early Morning Revelations

"Where's Ami? Tim go get your sister, tell her it is time for scripture study," said David

...

"I went in there, and she will not roll over, but I know she is awake because she is breathing!" He replied.

"AMI, time for - wait... Tim, do you think people stop breathing when they sleep?" Asked Melissa

"...sometimes?... yes?" He replied.

"Only people who have sleep ap-" Melissa begin.

"No Tim," David politely cut in, shaking his head in that it is too early to have this discussion way, "People keep breathing in their sleep. I'm sure mom can explain the exceptions when it is not time for scripture study."

"I know what a blue moon is!" Ami states perkily as she walks in.

"Oh, my head," David stated as he rubbed his temples.

"It is when there are two moons for an entire year."

Melissa starts to google blue moon...

David rubs his face with a pillow.

So Tim starts to explain, "Blue moons would only happen on Saturn where they have lots of moons, so the people there would see two moons, because they have moons, and we only have one.

A moan from behind the pillow.

Melissa snickers as the dictionary she is looking at describes a moon as, "when an individual exposes both of their butt cheeks in a public setting."

"Really? Does anyone actually want to study Omni with me this morning or do we just want to sit around making stuff up?" David asked.

Silence.

"Screw it, Tim say the prayer, we need it, Ami, read verse 18, Melissa, stop laughing."

Poaddoy!!!

In the last nine years we have spent about $60 dollars on diapers and wet wipes each month, we had two times where the children overlapped and that doubled for a few months, and another time when we enjoyed a six month respite.

The celebration of Susanna's potty training met with much rejoicing, probably mostly for the wrong (read: financial) reasons.

So she decided to throw a celebration of her own.

At one AM.

Running up and down the hall butt-naked yelling her native-american-victory-style-warcry POADDOY!

Tim woke up to the land between reality and nightmares and started to weep informing us "It's not my fault, it's not my fault, I didn't do it, it's not my fault."

Ami took the casual approach, "Moooooooommmmmm, tell Susanna to stop it and let me go back to bed, and I want a drink."

David and Maggie lay comatose.

The neighbors considered calling the police (we expect).

Two gobstoppers (big flushable potty gets double treats if you take care of business and don't fall in) and thirty minutes later, all was back to normal in the house.

Until 5:30 AM

POADDOY!

[Pictures omitted by federal law.]

Smooth criminal?

It is date night...

"Maggie, most children who want to stay up and watch a movie with their parents ask permission" (after she walked in and sat down as we were watching our date night movie.)

"Oh, okay."

"and?"

"I promise to ask permission next time."

We were too tired to send her to bed. Well played Maggie, well played. We let her stay.

2012 Vacation

For our family vacation this year, we went camping at Zion's National Park with some friends and one of Melissa's sisters.  Then we went to a hotel in St. George and enjoyed Aladdin at the Tuacahn outdoor theater.

The pictures will tell most of the story, but will omit the fact that we had torrential downpours on three
of the three days we were camping in the afternoon.  Every ten seconds during the storm, this occurred with the tent awning.

Welcome to camp.  Who's the squirrel in the food?

Susanne likes climbing and has no fear of heights.  More on this later.


The visitor's center.

The first hike we went on Tuesday Morning was the watchman trail. It ends on the plateau directly above the sign, but you must go around the canyon to get there.  

Starting the trail.

It went along the Virgin river for a while, and based on the attire of the those in the park, we think it was inappropriately named. 

Susanne walked the whole 1.3 miles uphill! She likes to climb.

 Lizard spotting.

Hydration break, Ami stopped carrying her pack ten steps into the hike. 

Us close to the top with the watchman mount in the background.

And now - the worst part of the trip.  Angel's landing.  Kelli joined Maggie, Tim, and me on a hike that includes a half mile of chain hiking over a 1400 foot drop.  The pictures tell the nastiness.  I tried to get them to stop before crossing the evil.  But they persisted.  So, with adrenaline and tunnel vision we finished a hike that makes the 200 meters at the end of half dome look like a backyard playground.  I still get sick looking at the pictures.  

 

Unfortunately, the hike did not kill us.

 Weeping rock was a hike actually worth taking.

Tim heads for the weapons for the daily water fight.


Susanne realizes the error of shooting the Dad with the 20 oz super soaker.


Playing king of the hill.  Susanne pushed Tim off twice before he gave up trying to overtake her.  And yes, she climbed it herself.  Her kung fu is better than his, she practices more.


Checkerboard Mesa.  Did you know bighorn sheep have hooves that can suction cup to the side of a mountain?

Finally to the hotel for showers. Put'n on the Ritz.

Entry of the Tuacahn.

The peaceful rainbow over Zion's says, "Come back, I won't pee on you everyday next time!" And we say, "Screw you hippie."

 Kids are excited.

The Stage, with two individuals who would not get out of the way. 

Final stop on the way home was Kolob canyon.  Named for its Kolobiness (green). 

Bring it.

So the last puzzle was not tough enough for you Maggie?  Bring it...

To recover from the vacation (David, Melissa, Maggie, Tim, Ami, Susan, Kelli, James, Emily, Ruby, and Olive) everyone got together to play a game and have a treat.  Unfortunately, no one wanted the same game or the same treat.

1.  Rootbeer floats seemed like more of a treat than kool-aid to all of the adults.
 The 5 games with zombies (Halo, Call of Duty, Plants Vs. Zombies, Little Big Planet, and Left for Dead) were vetoed by a female returned missionary.
The individuals who wanted to play monopoly and risk both came from the James Hoffman family.
One of the female’s tastebuds requested the See’s fruit and nut variety pack.
All of the David Hoffman children wanted cookies.
Olive and James wanted liquid desserts.
Everyone liked Ami’s idea of Macadamia nut cookies but disliked the idea of a game that would cause us to sweat.
Oatmeal Raisin Cookies did not like the suggestion of Guesstures or Twister.
One of the 2 video games involving plumbers matched with the Snickers bar.
The tootsie roll recommendation also wanted to pass go.
Killing Zombies caused one person to hunger for Oatmeal Raisin Cookies.
 The video game including Sack-boy matched with the snickerdoodles.
 Susanna and all of the females between the ages of 8 and 29 wanted to play video games. 
 David, Susanna, and Emily had desserts with real fruit.
The individual who wanted to play Punch Out did not want to eat the Heath cookies or the Snicker bars.
 All the men wanted to play video games.
Unlike the individual who wanted a Tootsie Roll, the individual who wanted Carmeled Apples suggested a video game.
The individual who wanted Snickerdoodles couldn’t stop laughing at her younger brother.
The RootBeer float suggestion didn’t match any suggestions involving boxing, plants, or aliens.
The Heath cookie request accompanied the Guesstures request.
The male who recommended Super Mario Brothers wanted Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Round two...

The Hoffman Family and Kelli went to the annual cheese tasting competition in Wisconsin.  Everyone tried one cheese and a food.  No one tried the same cheese or food.  Match everyone with their food and their cheese.

None of the men ate vegetables.
A red fruit matched the blue cheese.
Only two females ate aged cheeses.
The youngest two both ate potato varieties.
The individual who ate the Smoked Gouda did not eat the broccoli or strawberries.
The individual who ate the corn did not have any aged or smoked cheeses.
The Aged Gorgonzola and the Aged Gruyere were eaten with a fruit and a vegetable.
The red potato matched the flavored cheese.
The grapes and the tomato matched with the smoked cheeses.
The sweet potato did not match the Aged Cheddar
 The Dill Havarti was Mom’s first choice, her darkest haired daughter snatched it from her.
 Parmesan and Aged Gruyere both matched vegetables, but only one was eaten by a child.
 Maggie’s fruit was the seedless variety.
 Smoked Mozzarella was eaten by an adult.
 Ami said that Kelli’s green and gold food matched.

Clear Mumbles

Susanna has not been our clearest talker.  In fact, very few people can understand much of what she speaks.

Everyone once in a while she comes up with some very clear comments. Most of the time, it relates to electronics:

Holding Amirrah's laptop (provided by her school), she pointed and said, "please", I told her, "That is not yours," to which she clearly and difinitively responded, "Yes, it is."

When people leave the house (family or not) she will say, "Bye-bye, love you too," very clearly.  

Other times require Dad to translate.  (Which is still odd because when he does, she will stop asking, and wait until what he stated is done.)