Perhaps the best way to summarize the week is in quotes:
"I don't think we've ever had a turkey quite that good, ever, that was amazing." - Richard
"This is my mom, we call her mom, except for Dad, he calls her Melissa. That is a weird name for a mom." - #2 introducing Melissa to the family as if they don't know her.
"#2, for the fifteeth time, his name is Richard, not 'that guy'."
"What is that brown thing on your face? (pointing to Richard's mole) Is that part of your face? Have you always had it? Oh." - #1
"Where's Richard?"
"Oh, he left once Melissa organized the puzzle. He could not find any of the pieces."
"Who would have thought we could finish a 1500 piece puzzle in four days. I think that's a sign of how much fun we're having." -David
"This season is the season when we come together and all hate together. And what a better thing to hate than turkeys? And what better way to hate 'em, than to eat them by the millions. ... I thought one turkey would not be enough... Ya I can see how 3 pounds of meat each would leave us unsatisfied...A turdunkin - it's a chicken, inside of a duck, inside of a turkey. Although impressive, I think they stopped short...ya they were real underachievers. ..." -RedvBlue
"Why not start balderdash at 10:30 P.M.?"
"Eleven gnomes out of thirteen at the Thanksgiving Point Museum isn't bad."
"Her name is pronounced Jen-nay." Then #2 creates a song... "Jen-NAy Hoff-MAN, JEN-nayyyy Hoff-man" "She's not Jen-ney Hoffman, she's Jen-ney Piercy." #2 continues the song, "Jen-NAYYYMagie, Jen-NaYmag-GIEEEEE."
"#3, I'm your Nannie, you're supposed to like me. Oh, don't run away... :("
"Given this land, if they live, righ-a-sleep" -#2
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Grab Bag
Here's a grab bag of comments and events of this week...
I.
#2 has learned how to ride a bike. #1 is terrified of it, but still wants to learn (Jedi mind tricks work - you dooo want to learn to ride a bike, these aren't the training wheels you're looking for.)
So, while #2 rides ahead, David has been jogging next to #1 holding the bike making sure she does fall, but that's not the funny part. As she rides, she rocks forward and back, psychotically repeating to herself "I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on." She alternates between that and "just keep pedaling, just keep pedaling, just keep pedaling." Issues. Serious issues.
It doesn't help when Tim looses control and runs directly into a mailbox and endo's over the bars right in front of her. Then she also starts shaking uncontrollably.
II.
#2 told me a joke that apparently Melissa told him.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana orange."
"Banana orange who?"
"Aren't you banana orange i did not say, um, hahahahhahahahahaha."
III.
Our washer died. Roger Demming from our stake is a repairman and did a good job resurrecting it and gave us a decent price on the repair. The problem? A sock got eaten by the filter. Apparently washing machines do eat socks!
IV.
#3's sense of humor is set to "stun". She is at the stage where she laughs at all sorts of un-funny things, and never seems to laugh when things are funny.
V.
Got a funny email this week...
Post your own funny dialogue explaining this one...
I.
#2 has learned how to ride a bike. #1 is terrified of it, but still wants to learn (Jedi mind tricks work - you dooo want to learn to ride a bike, these aren't the training wheels you're looking for.)
So, while #2 rides ahead, David has been jogging next to #1 holding the bike making sure she does fall, but that's not the funny part. As she rides, she rocks forward and back, psychotically repeating to herself "I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on." She alternates between that and "just keep pedaling, just keep pedaling, just keep pedaling." Issues. Serious issues.
It doesn't help when Tim looses control and runs directly into a mailbox and endo's over the bars right in front of her. Then she also starts shaking uncontrollably.
II.
#2 told me a joke that apparently Melissa told him.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Banana orange."
"Banana orange who?"
"Aren't you banana orange i did not say, um, hahahahhahahahahaha."
III.
Our washer died. Roger Demming from our stake is a repairman and did a good job resurrecting it and gave us a decent price on the repair. The problem? A sock got eaten by the filter. Apparently washing machines do eat socks!
IV.
#3's sense of humor is set to "stun". She is at the stage where she laughs at all sorts of un-funny things, and never seems to laugh when things are funny.
V.
Got a funny email this week...
Post your own funny dialogue explaining this one...
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The rivalry - why we can't all get along
One of the most enjoyable parts about going to school at either BYU or the UofU can be the rivalry, unfortunately this can also be one of the greatest causes of angst.
Let's review the rivalry to figure out where we can go right and where we can go wrong.
Both schools were founded by Brigham Young.
The U began as the University of Deseret in 1850, took a hiatus for financial reasons, and then reopened as a commercial school without the religious ties of the initial charter. In 1894 it formally became the University of Utah and moved towards the State institution of now. The next year was the first match between the U and the Y: a scoreless baseball game that ended with a bench-clearing brawl.
BYU began as a break-off of the University of Deseret as Brigham Young Academy. It retained its religious charter under Karl Maeser (whose educational philosophies were explored in a master's thesis project by yours truly). Years later, it obtained university status and moved to complete ownership and control by the Church.
The original bitterness of the rivalry came from the "little brother" syndrome of the schools, but over time this original meaning was lost. Sports dominated the basis for the argument. Though, in the last 39 years, (seems to be post-Vietnam) the rivalry has taken on a personal and bitter flavor.
This occurred as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints increased in membership. Brigham Young University applications increased as more members sought to have their children in a largely LDS environment. Though the U of U is also largely LDS, the out of state tuition costs eliminated many of the potential applicants. The academic requirements necessary to obtain admission for BYU rose rapidly. The quality of education offered at the two schools has remained very close even though the difference in admission requirements has increased yearly. (According to U.S. News & World Report, and the respective school's websites: the GPA average/ACT average difference is now BYU 3.8/29 to Utah 3.5/23. The schools are ranked 113th and 119th overall).
Herein is where I believe we have all gone wrong.
Look at some of the other bitter and hate-filled rivalries in college sports, (i.e. Wisconsin v. Michigan, Duke v. North Carolina...) there is a pattern: (1) Both school draw from the same pool. (2) One school has harder entrance requirements. (3) Those students who are denied admission to said school go to the other with a chip on their shoulder. (4) They create a strawman argument (for those not familiar with logical fallacies, this means they create a false image of a person or thing that is easy to hate and then spend their time hating the perception they have created until they cannot see the difference between reality and fiction).
Putting this into terms of our rivalry, students wanting a higher education in the state of Utah often apply to both schools. Those denied entrance to BYU often go to the UofU. Some of them create a false image of BYU students as being child-producing-fat-mindless-holier-than-thou-robots-etc... This false image is perpetuated to the other students with anecdotal evidence and the strawman grows bigger. In response, some BYU fans respond by accusing UofU students of being the opposite extreme: intoxicated-slutty-stupid-etc. Both parties become increasingly bitter and spiteful of the opposition as the "regular" fans encounter the "extremists" on both sides and move towards the greater extremes themselves.
There are pregnant-holier-than-thou-robots at both schools. There are drunk-whores at both schools. Let's keep it to the field. If you win, you've got bragging rights for the year. If we do, take your lumps. I don't expect that we will all get along, but I think we can be intelligent about the great competition that comes from the history and proximity of the schools.
So BYU fans, this year let's show some decency, maturity and courtesy for those who help raise the level of our game.
Let's review the rivalry to figure out where we can go right and where we can go wrong.
Both schools were founded by Brigham Young.
The U began as the University of Deseret in 1850, took a hiatus for financial reasons, and then reopened as a commercial school without the religious ties of the initial charter. In 1894 it formally became the University of Utah and moved towards the State institution of now. The next year was the first match between the U and the Y: a scoreless baseball game that ended with a bench-clearing brawl.
BYU began as a break-off of the University of Deseret as Brigham Young Academy. It retained its religious charter under Karl Maeser (whose educational philosophies were explored in a master's thesis project by yours truly). Years later, it obtained university status and moved to complete ownership and control by the Church.
The original bitterness of the rivalry came from the "little brother" syndrome of the schools, but over time this original meaning was lost. Sports dominated the basis for the argument. Though, in the last 39 years, (seems to be post-Vietnam) the rivalry has taken on a personal and bitter flavor.
This occurred as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints increased in membership. Brigham Young University applications increased as more members sought to have their children in a largely LDS environment. Though the U of U is also largely LDS, the out of state tuition costs eliminated many of the potential applicants. The academic requirements necessary to obtain admission for BYU rose rapidly. The quality of education offered at the two schools has remained very close even though the difference in admission requirements has increased yearly. (According to U.S. News & World Report, and the respective school's websites: the GPA average/ACT average difference is now BYU 3.8/29 to Utah 3.5/23. The schools are ranked 113th and 119th overall).
Herein is where I believe we have all gone wrong.
Look at some of the other bitter and hate-filled rivalries in college sports, (i.e. Wisconsin v. Michigan, Duke v. North Carolina...) there is a pattern: (1) Both school draw from the same pool. (2) One school has harder entrance requirements. (3) Those students who are denied admission to said school go to the other with a chip on their shoulder. (4) They create a strawman argument (for those not familiar with logical fallacies, this means they create a false image of a person or thing that is easy to hate and then spend their time hating the perception they have created until they cannot see the difference between reality and fiction).
Putting this into terms of our rivalry, students wanting a higher education in the state of Utah often apply to both schools. Those denied entrance to BYU often go to the UofU. Some of them create a false image of BYU students as being child-producing-fat-mindless-holier-than-thou-robots-etc... This false image is perpetuated to the other students with anecdotal evidence and the strawman grows bigger. In response, some BYU fans respond by accusing UofU students of being the opposite extreme: intoxicated-slutty-stupid-etc. Both parties become increasingly bitter and spiteful of the opposition as the "regular" fans encounter the "extremists" on both sides and move towards the greater extremes themselves.
There are pregnant-holier-than-thou-robots at both schools. There are drunk-whores at both schools. Let's keep it to the field. If you win, you've got bragging rights for the year. If we do, take your lumps. I don't expect that we will all get along, but I think we can be intelligent about the great competition that comes from the history and proximity of the schools.
So BYU fans, this year let's show some decency, maturity and courtesy for those who help raise the level of our game.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Please
Most the time the children do well on car rides... but sometimes they ask questions constantly. Towards the end of our trip down to Provo, we'd had enough.
"Dad are we about there?"
"Don't keep pestering dad when he's driving, we'll get there when we get there."
(Once we were in the Toys R Us parking lot)
"Dad, can we park there?" (Pointing at a spot)
"We'll park where I darn well please"
(After about 15 seconds of thinking about what that meant, he determined he was getting a lesson on courtesy) #2 ask, "Please?"
After getting a list of everything in the store as their wants (hello my little upcoming FHE on greed) we sent the children to the car with Melissa, I took care of some business transactions. Upon getting to the car, #2 proved more keenly aware than previously thought.
"Did you buy us Toys dad?"
"I bought some boxes."
"Boxes with Toys in them?"
"Boxes made of cardboard"
"With trucks inside?" he said with childlike glee
(It doesn't help when Melissa is cracking up in the passenger seat.)
"Boxes to take to California."
Then with greater excitement in his voice, "To put there at the Christmas with Toys in them?"
"Who wants to go to Costa Vida for dinner?"
The whole family responded in chorus, "MEEEEEE."
Shin Tzu taught that one of the great tactics in war is distraction, bless his cold, dark heart.
"Dad are we about there?"
"Don't keep pestering dad when he's driving, we'll get there when we get there."
(Once we were in the Toys R Us parking lot)
"Dad, can we park there?" (Pointing at a spot)
"We'll park where I darn well please"
(After about 15 seconds of thinking about what that meant, he determined he was getting a lesson on courtesy) #2 ask, "Please?"
After getting a list of everything in the store as their wants (hello my little upcoming FHE on greed) we sent the children to the car with Melissa, I took care of some business transactions. Upon getting to the car, #2 proved more keenly aware than previously thought.
"Did you buy us Toys dad?"
"I bought some boxes."
"Boxes with Toys in them?"
"Boxes made of cardboard"
"With trucks inside?" he said with childlike glee
(It doesn't help when Melissa is cracking up in the passenger seat.)
"Boxes to take to California."
Then with greater excitement in his voice, "To put there at the Christmas with Toys in them?"
"Who wants to go to Costa Vida for dinner?"
The whole family responded in chorus, "MEEEEEE."
Shin Tzu taught that one of the great tactics in war is distraction, bless his cold, dark heart.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
It's not just for plaque anymore
#3 definitely takes after David's ancestry. There's pirate in her blood. Need evidence? She climbs any and every mast or object in the house. She walks every plank or dangerous precipice she could fall from (laughing the entire time). She pillages any toy village, food cupboard, and bathroom drawer in the building. Oh, and don't even get me started on her "booty". (Her uncle would add a joke here about her only treasure being a sunken chest...)
Anyway, in her latest adventure she plundered the dental floss, pulling out about 45 feet of the nasty unwaxed kind. (What kind of dentist gives unwaxed floss?) So, after calming down, Melissa braided the flaxen cord and led her children carefully down to... the basement. Where they all jump roped. #2 never fell, even though his jumping angles were... askew.
Anyway, in her latest adventure she plundered the dental floss, pulling out about 45 feet of the nasty unwaxed kind. (What kind of dentist gives unwaxed floss?) So, after calming down, Melissa braided the flaxen cord and led her children carefully down to... the basement. Where they all jump roped. #2 never fell, even though his jumping angles were... askew.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Part of the problem
The day after Halloween I heard Christmas music (if it can be called such) on the radio. Emotions of disappointment and frustration at the cheapening of this holiday arose. I personally believe that such celebratory actions should take place after Thanksgiving.
Last night, as we finished 90% of our Christmas shopping, I realized I'm part of the problem. How can I complain about the reminders of the holiday and still be shopping for it at the same time?
In my pathetic defense, the items we want are still in stock in November, and there are so many good sales... I'm helpless in light of such deals!
Then again, if we all get the shopping done in November, maybe we could actually focus on the Savior in December! We wish you a merry shopping season until Thanksgiving! Then we'll wish you a Merry Christmas!
Oh, and yes, we are in favor of hunting, as long as you eat the meat and don't take Cheney. (Doc. & Cov. 49)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Preaching Esau
As always, the statements on this blog represent the opinions and views of the author (and his intelligent wife), and I am responsible for the content herein. I love my job.
Beware. I'm venting. Consider yourself warned...
I strode out of the voting booth extremely grateful for the opportunity to participate in a process of election and accountability. I knew the issues. I understood the projected outcomes and consequences; I voted according to my understanding of the principles of the constitution and my interpretation of scripture. (1 Samuel 8, Mosiah 29, Alma 60, Helaman, 3 Nephi 1-7, and most importantly Doc. & Cov. 134-which clearly states our Church's stance on the purpose and role of government.) I understand that "[God] holds men accountable for their acts in relation to [government]" based on those scriptural standards. (Not on the media's fear-frenzy or popular trends). This felt good - doing as best as my perspective could comprehend.
I free-fell from this happy zone shortly out of the booth. A woman walked up to me and asked, "do you know anything about the issues on the ballot?" (She probably chose me because I was still in my suit coming home from work.) Shocked that she would come to vote unprepared, I started to do my best to present as fair of a view of the candidates and issues as I could. I went one by one, using what information I could remember from each republican and democrat candidate's website. (Seriously - if you don't understand why we have a two-party system, please learn.) I thought I was doing her a service by trying to give a balanced perspective.
Then I noticed something.
I looked up from my hands (apparently I watch my hands when I'm trying to remember things) to notice her staring at me cock-eyed and flustered.
I paused, and she said something like, "I just wanted to know if I was okay voting for these people..." then she named who she voted for.
She voted without knowing issues, candidates, or even what the proposals were.
I was so upset I could not respond. I took my daughter's hand and she courteously suffered through a tirade on the privilege we enjoy and the responsibilities we have based on our freedoms.
This, along with many conversations with other family and friends, has shocked my system. I have been thoroughly surprised at how ignorant many people are to the issues at hand. People who should know better seem to be either lazy or easily persuaded by hot topics. Like Esau, - who sold his eternal inheritance, priesthood, and birthright for bean soup - many will wake up surprised, depressed, or horrified that they get exactly what they voted for.
Ideally... (no offense intended to the over-programmed-busy-doing-good-individuals out there)
...It is not enough to only pay attention to the circumstance in government for a few weeks prior to an election.
...It is not acceptable to be decieved and buy into hype instead of voting upon eternally established principles.
...It is not okay to participate in politics without an understanding of (1) logical fallacies {or else one will continually be deceived by flawed arguments}. (2) Macro or micro economics {or else the implications of issues and motivations for such are incomprehensible} (3) An ability to understand and read, for oneself, the bills and such so one can see through the hype. Particularly when there are so many free courses on all three of those issues online. I can only assume someone reading this has the internet...
Disagree with my opinions. Vote for people I oppose. That's fine. But do it intelligently.
Agree with my opinions. Vote for the people I choose. That's also fine. But do it intelligently.
Anyway, please forgive me for my potentially-offensive primal rage, poor writing, syntax, and the lack of song matching this post. As I said at the beginning, I'm venting (you were warned).
Time to go watch The Daily Show. Yes, I watch the daily show. If you've read The Art of War you know how important it is to study the strategies and arguments of your opponents. This will either strengthen your own beliefs or demonstrate the flaws in your opinions.
Thinking. Isn't it about time?
Beware. I'm venting. Consider yourself warned...
I strode out of the voting booth extremely grateful for the opportunity to participate in a process of election and accountability. I knew the issues. I understood the projected outcomes and consequences; I voted according to my understanding of the principles of the constitution and my interpretation of scripture. (1 Samuel 8, Mosiah 29, Alma 60, Helaman, 3 Nephi 1-7, and most importantly Doc. & Cov. 134-which clearly states our Church's stance on the purpose and role of government.) I understand that "[God] holds men accountable for their acts in relation to [government]" based on those scriptural standards. (Not on the media's fear-frenzy or popular trends). This felt good - doing as best as my perspective could comprehend.
I free-fell from this happy zone shortly out of the booth. A woman walked up to me and asked, "do you know anything about the issues on the ballot?" (She probably chose me because I was still in my suit coming home from work.) Shocked that she would come to vote unprepared, I started to do my best to present as fair of a view of the candidates and issues as I could. I went one by one, using what information I could remember from each republican and democrat candidate's website. (Seriously - if you don't understand why we have a two-party system, please learn.) I thought I was doing her a service by trying to give a balanced perspective.
Then I noticed something.
I looked up from my hands (apparently I watch my hands when I'm trying to remember things) to notice her staring at me cock-eyed and flustered.
I paused, and she said something like, "I just wanted to know if I was okay voting for these people..." then she named who she voted for.
She voted without knowing issues, candidates, or even what the proposals were.
I was so upset I could not respond. I took my daughter's hand and she courteously suffered through a tirade on the privilege we enjoy and the responsibilities we have based on our freedoms.
This, along with many conversations with other family and friends, has shocked my system. I have been thoroughly surprised at how ignorant many people are to the issues at hand. People who should know better seem to be either lazy or easily persuaded by hot topics. Like Esau, - who sold his eternal inheritance, priesthood, and birthright for bean soup - many will wake up surprised, depressed, or horrified that they get exactly what they voted for.
Ideally... (no offense intended to the over-programmed-busy-doing-good-individuals out there)
...It is not enough to only pay attention to the circumstance in government for a few weeks prior to an election.
...It is not acceptable to be decieved and buy into hype instead of voting upon eternally established principles.
...It is not okay to participate in politics without an understanding of (1) logical fallacies {or else one will continually be deceived by flawed arguments}. (2) Macro or micro economics {or else the implications of issues and motivations for such are incomprehensible} (3) An ability to understand and read, for oneself, the bills and such so one can see through the hype. Particularly when there are so many free courses on all three of those issues online. I can only assume someone reading this has the internet...
Disagree with my opinions. Vote for people I oppose. That's fine. But do it intelligently.
Agree with my opinions. Vote for the people I choose. That's also fine. But do it intelligently.
Anyway, please forgive me for my potentially-offensive primal rage, poor writing, syntax, and the lack of song matching this post. As I said at the beginning, I'm venting (you were warned).
Time to go watch The Daily Show. Yes, I watch the daily show. If you've read The Art of War you know how important it is to study the strategies and arguments of your opponents. This will either strengthen your own beliefs or demonstrate the flaws in your opinions.
Thinking. Isn't it about time?
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Find that warning label...
When it comes to the kitchen in our house, Dad is the master chef, Mom and #2 are the bakers, #1 is the critic, and #3 is the garbage disposal. This evening, when Melissa went to a(nother) meeting I decided to bake some brownies with the kids.
#2 and I had an interesting conversation towards the end. I got out the Pam cooking spray (never settle for anything less than the real Pam, she's the best...) and greased the pan before flouring it. I put the spray back on the counter.
"Dad? What's that for?"
(Thinking I could use this moment to teach deductive reasoning) "What do you think it is?"
(Pointing to the P) "It says Poison-us on the can."
"What?!?" (Laughing) Why would I use that?
"So you can Poison-us and eat all brownies by yourself."
He then looked up at me, eyes gaping in fear, lips pursed tightly together and stealthily took the can off the counter, climbed onto the counter, opened the cupboard, and put the Pam away. After quietly closing the cupboard and getting down he plead to himself, "I'd still like a brownie..."
It's good to know he does not fear death. Just lack of brownie...
... and then he opted for the doughnut Melissa brought home because "I've never had one of those before."
Poor deprived child. Good thing he's not a merman or he'd sell his soul to a sea-witch for a cupcake.